Last night, two of my dearest friends came to my house for a sleepover. My parents, thankfully, left us alone. I say "thankfully" because there was a bottle of vodka open on my desk.
Before last night, I had never been drunk. I have had alcohol before, but I only had the warm feeling or been a bit tipsy. I wanted to get drunk, and I did. R and I were a lot more inebriated than V was when we went to the playground in my neighborhood. We acted like children and there was much giggling and joking around. We walked to the elementary school near my house and ran through the field. I was tackled and we all rolled around on the grass, giggling madly, complaining that there were no attractive guys nearby to take advantage of.
When we walked back, it was with our arms around each other's shoulders, looking quite as drunk as we were. We laughed at the concept of us overachievers doing something so normal.
Back at my house, the mood was dampened when someone mentioned P. P is my very good friend, who has adopted her boyfriend's friends and barely talks to us anymore. We decided to hang out with her on Sunday, and she agreed, but I do miss being included in her Friday night plans.
V fell asleep, but R and I weren't done yet. We went to the playground again, and had to hop the fence (again), but I landed strangely and messed up my foot.
Back at my house, the second we turned off the light (about 4 am), we fell asleep.
Overall, it is one of my best nights ever. I will admit that I prefer being high to being drunk (is it bad that I tried the former before the latter?). It's a better feeling. But it's not legal, so that cannot happen too often.
I had to go to work this morning. It's at this children's museum for the arts. It's very tiring to have to deal with these little kids that refuse to sit still long enough for you to show them how to hold a paint brush. I ate lunch, which I am very proud of. I had a salad, a Greek yogurt, and some juice. It was delicious. But, all day, people kept giving me Halloween candy leftovers, which I was forced to consume.
My mother picked me up and decided to take me to the mall to buy a new purse. I felt ugly because my hair was greasy, my makeup smudged, I was wearing a huge sweatshirt and ugly jeans, I haven't used any acne medication in two weeks, and, as always, I felt fat. I was discouraged by the looks people were giving me, so I requested that we leave without a bag for me (a shame, because I really need one).
I was becoming depressed, and wanted to binge. I urged my mother to take me to this restaurant where I could get a mammoth veggie burger, a mountain of fries, and free bread. She refused, and said she would make me a veggie burger. I became so upset by this prospect, that I started to cry. Why wouldn't she let me binge?
We stopped at the grocery store and I cried in the parking lot, this time because I was feeling unattractive and miserable that M doesn't like me (more on him another day).
At home, and I ate yet another precooked meal in the monotonous selection of vegetarian foods that my mother actually knows how to make.
I'm upset that I didn't get to binge, and if I can find the food to do so, I will.
Everything seems a mess right now.
Love,
Emeline.
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