My home is my sanctuary.

   Thank you for all of the lovely people who have followed me. I don't think my life is very interesting, but, if you wish to read, thank you for taking the time to do so.
   I find myself spending endless hours in bed, thinking I should do something other than searching the corners of the internet for something to do. I have a project for my Literature class, due three days ago, I have to read a hundred pages in Hard Times also by three days ago. I have to do a painting by yesterday, and another by two weeks ago. I can't make myself do anything. Call me lazy, if you wish, but I think it's more than that. I feel sad, though nothing has caused me grief. I don't want to move, and all I can do is eat all day and watch movies. I wanted to reform my eating today, but it ended in a binge, like always. I hate that I do this to myself. If I could  just make myself do my work, my problems would go away.
   I feel weird when I leave my house. Like someone is going to verbally attack me for being such an unworthy person. When I do leave, I am only met with stress do to the consequences of being, forgive my rudeness, a lazy asshole. Teachers berate me and my friends do the same. It is less stress to live indoors. But, I know that I can't do that, especially as the attendance office at my school now has me in their dropout prevention program.
   I wish I felt like I did when I was a lowly freshman. I may have been hideous, but I was a flawless student.
   I don't know what to do.

   Love always,
   Emeline

P.S.
   P cancelled our plans to hang out. She said she would explain later, but she hasn't. I'm going to have to accept the fact that she doesn't want to be our friend anymore. People do change, and, when you don't have a lot in common, there's not much you can do to have fun together. I noticed on Friday that I am completely comfortable dressing in front of R and V, and even my best friend (a guy), D, but I couldn't do so in front of P.
   I guess she has moved on to the bigger and better world of weed and beer every weekend, talking to people below her intelligence, and sex all the time (although I've heard good things about this last one). I think she deserves intelligent conversation, not, "Dude, remember that time we got totally wasted?!".
   Before you peg me as a hypocrite, as my last post was about drinking, know that that was the exception, not the rule. P does stuff like that every Friday and Saturday night, without fail.
   I suppose I'm being selfish. It's her life and she should do with it what she wants.