An apple a day. . .

   Unfortunately, my mother decided that my hobbling around the house was a reason to take me to the doctor. In the waiting room, I was trying to read my book, and I just couldn't concentrate. I didn't think it would matter much to tell my mother about my frustration that I could no longer enjoy books, but she now believes that I'm anemic or have low thyroid.
   We were called in, and the nurse weighed me. I am ashamed that I ever thought I was underweight. The scale at the doctor's office says that I am six pounds heavier than I thought I was. It was a very upsetting moment that was only made worse when the nurse pointed out that I have lost ten percent of my body weight in the last fifteen months (only ten?). My mother started on a tirade about how I need to take better care of myself, and then ignored me entirely to have a discussion with the nurse about this injection for weight loss in very overweight people (the nurse and my mother) and how they want to try it.
   I was then shoved off to a room with my mother talking about how skinny I am (yeah, okay, Mom) and we waited for the doctor. They took an x-ray of my foot and determined that I fractured two of my metatarsals, but that it wasn't very serious (would anyone like to tell me how broken bones aren't serious?), and, if it still hurt, to come back tomorrow. My doctor also told me to take Tylenol for my broken teeth until I can see a dentist (I have two. I tell my mother my poor dental health is due to my sleeping with my mouth open, which may be related, but I think it's more due to the fact that I get very poor nutrition most of the time.).
   Thankfully, my mother forgot to mention my concentration issues, but we're going back today, because my foot is still painful (obviously, it's fucking broken), and I don't think she'll forget again.
   I was on Web MD, and I think it's more likely that I'm depressed than that I'm anemic or have low thyroid. I can understand why she would think that, as I am a vegetarian on the anemic side, or that she herself has low thyroid, and she thinks it's genetic. I don't think I'm anemic because I take vitamins, and people with low thyroid tend to be larger.
   What happens if I get diagnosed as depressed? I suppose I'll get the help I need, but I don't know if I want the help. I want my concentration back, and I want to feel better in general, but I don't want anyone to know that I was weak enough to develop a mental disorder, least of all my wonderful mother, who will think it is her fault. Worst of all, I don't want anyone to talk to me about my feelings. I don't like to do that.
   What if my doctor figures out that I have an eating disorder? I can't imagine getting diagnosed as EDNOS. It will be very shameful to not have a specified disease, and even worse that I will be made to stop. Thinking about this is making me cry. What if I never get to my goal weight?
   I feel powerless. What do I do?

   Wishing better fortune will find you,
   Emeline